Unit 10 Reflection and Revisit of Unit 3

C M Campanella Dixon

HW420-02

Unit 10 Blog

Several times throughout this term we have had the opportunity and have been encouraged to revisit these concepts, both formally and informally. I think as the term progressed, as priorities in life changed and shifted a bit, I have bounced around a bit in where I placed my focus and what I felt needed to be worked on. I had previously acknowledged that I need to put a lot more effort into my spiritual development and work to obtain a previous level of spiritual fitness. This has been my priority, this is what I felt needed to be worked on in order to gain momentum in returning to a better state of functioning. Oddly enough though, at the end of this term I see the largest change in physical development and progress and regression.

Previously I had rated myself at; Physical-8.5, Psychological-6, and Spiritual-3.  I would now rate myself; Physical-8.5, Psychological-7, and Spiritual-4.5.

Physical I am better at incorporating exercise and strength training into my daily routine. I was able to maintain a steady routine for 6 weeks and in the last two weeks I kinda fell off the wagon a bit. This includes a dip in healthy eating habits. My life has been unbelievably hectic these past 2 weeks and we have struggled to keep the schedules previously put in place in order to keep on track. I felt my prior assessment was completed at a time in which I was very much on top of my physical wellness so with this slip in dietary focus, but advancement in exercise both individual and with my family, I will keep my rating where it was.

Psychologically and Spiritually, I have always known what needed to be done but was both hesitant and a bit stubborn honestly. I had not wanted to change, I had not wanted to risk showing weakness and possibly falter, not be able to hold my family up and do what needs to be done each day to survive. While meditation and prayer had carried me for many years through a lot of trials and tribulations, I had lost the “ability” to turn inwards and focus on me, my needs, and development and forgiveness for my own self. My prior goal set this term was for 15 mins of “good” meditation time/reflection 3 days per week, and journaling at least 2 days for week for a period of 30 or more mins. I am happy to say I have easily met these goals. Honestly, I was a bit surprised that meditation did come so naturally once again. It was extremely rough in the beginning, I felt angry at first when I restarted.  I seemed to get progressively angrier each time the first several times and then all of a sudden it dissipated and a clarity I had previously knew returned. I only am moving my score up a point in each category simply because despite the change of practices and progression, I know overall I have a ways to go. I still have not rejoined in formal church activities, I still do not feel comfortable returning. I have progressed by leaps and bounds in my ability to keep cool and be able to present myself in a professional and capable manner.  I need to continually work on my psychological and spiritual development and strive to implement changes and improvements.

This course has been a bit tumultuous for me. It forced me to come to terms with quite a bit that I had been holding on to and not allowing myself to process for about 5 years now. It has forced me to come to terms with my current state of wellness. I have had to take an honest look at how and where I have been compensating and look into what I want for my life and that of my family. It has been an eye opener and a much needed respite from the currents events in my life. Finding a sense of enlightenment and peace has been a welcomed challenge. It has been nice to practice these skills and in the process of reassessing, implement changes that have increased my overall well-being. I certainly can say I am now more aware of not only my needs, and hurdles to well-being, but also aware and sensitive to the needs of others. I have been able to take a step back and see more of the energy that others are putting out n the world and be able to better work with it to provide feedback that is constructive and relevant to them. 

Unit 9 Reflection and Assessment

C M Campanella Dixon

HW420-02

Unit 9 Project

                      I.                      Introduction:
Why is it important for health and wellness professionals to develop psychologically, spiritually and physically? What areas do you need to develop to achieve the goals you have for yourself?

For several reasons, it is imperative that as professionals, we develop and “practice what we preach”. Not only will clients be more apt to listen to us and follow our direction and “prescription” if we seem physically, mentally and spiritually “fit”, but if our outward appearance is healthy, we seem unshakable- have a deep faith and kindness, and our inward gaze is evident, clients will have a preconception and subconscious belief that the system of treatment works and be confidant and therefore more committed to the work that must be done to achieve what they desire. In addition, as wellness professionals we must constantly work against the demand of human nature and current healthcare beliefs and desires of quick fixes and complete “cures” We know and understand that the integral path has no true end and so to not further pursue higher levels of consciousness and development would be detrimental to our own health and wellness, as well as sending an incorrect message to our clients. We must work to continually pursue a more inward state of being and universal understanding in order to best honor ourselves and our abilities as both a student/patient and teacher/healer. I have lapsed considerably as of late in the area of spiritual wellness and development. Prior to recent events I held quite the varied religious or spiritual belief system. I am a devote Roman Catholic yet, I had for many years also honored and acknowledged in my own life the great workings of the Hindu god Ganesh. It lifted me up and carried me quite far through many trials and tribulations, quite unshaken. I simply woke one day and stopped praying, although I did not necessarily stop believing. The side effects from my lack of faith or spiritual development have seeped into my physical wellbeing and caused a slight loss of will power at times for me. By reworking and restructuring my spiritual development I can also get my physical state back on a more stable track with less fluctuations.

                   II.                      Assessment:
How have you assessed your health in each domain? How do you score your wellness spiritually, physically, and psychologically?

Luckily this course afforded me, and honestly forced me, to take a true and critical assessment of my current state of well-being in the eye of the triad of wellness; physical, psychological, and spiritual. As discussed in an earlier assessment discussion, I feel currently, my physical wellness is the strongest at this point. This is such a foreign concept and feeling to a person whom was never particularly athletically inclined and had serious gym phobia, as well as debatable healthy eating habits.

In the arena of physical wellness I have made enormous improvements over the past year or so and would put myself at or around an 8.5. My home is 100% synthetic chemical free. This applies to food products, cleaners, as well as personal care items. I strive to eat clean all the time and work to grow or purchase only grass fed, free range meats products. Having been a strict vegan for over twenty years, eradicating wheat and legumes from my diet has been a dramatic and welcomed health benefit. Recently, I began a weight lifting regime and am looking forward to progressing in this area. Additionally I have taken back up varying types of yoga and flexibility programs to maintain muscle health while increasing integrity through weight bearing activities.

Psychologically, I’d say I am at about 6, maybe 7 out of 10. I have been making consistent strides to calm my mind and return to a much more positive and friendly place within myself. The Loving-Kindness exercise in particular has been very inviting to me and has worked as a gently remainder of the person I used to be, still am somewhere deep down, and the good that I possess and what my true calling in this world is.  Although stress is a big issue at this time due to health concerns and work stability, I am trying on it so that in areas I can control I do manage and eliminate the stress, allowing for ease of care and tolerance of areas in which stress is quasi inevitable. Simply remembering to breathe and take a step back, as well as learning to take time to reconnect with my identity outside of laborer, mother and wife, has worked wonders to help me heal psychologically.

As for wellness of a spiritual nature, I am almost ashamed to how disconnected and frail I have let myself become. If I was told ten years ago or even five years ago that I would delve into a seemingly bottomless pit of spiritual desperation I never would have believed it, this has always been my strongest area of development. I exuded a sense of confidence in spirit that was unparalleled. I felt a force swirling within and around me at all times and had, what I thought was a rock solid faith. In recent years due to a multitude of reasons, I have abandoned all I knew, trusted and believed in. I have built up quite the impenetrable skin, calloused in order to survive and unfortunately the only way to do this and numb myself was to cast aside my belief system and my penchant to believe in a greater good and the fact that everything happens for a reason and that we must be open to the lesson that is being taught to us through experience.

              

                III.                      Goal development:
List at least one goal you have for yourself in each area, Physical, Psychological (mental health) and Spiritual.

  As for goals, in my mind at least they are pretty clear cut. Physically I need to work on strength training. By introducing a more varied and competitive routine I can work to overcome plateaus and my former beliefs about physical weight training challenges and women. I plan on being able to move at the very least my own weight through a series of tasks and obstacles and by implementing and placing into action this program work diligently to avoid the fate of every other woman in my family; diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and falling prey to these three by the age of sixty.

 For psychological wellness and this even runs into the realm of spiritual wellness as well, I know what I need to do, it is simply a matter of getting myself to do it. I know I NEED to meditate, I need this time to reflect and bring myself inwards. Taking the time to honor myself, my self-worth, and my individuality will help to reawaken myself to my innermost potential and capabilities.  It has been an abandoned practice for me for a few years now and having taken some meditative exercises back up on a daily basis has served to remind me of what I need and should be doing to establish a more intricate and complete sense of peace and serenity in my life.  A previous goal of 15 minutes of “good” meditation time/reflection 3 days per week and journaling at least 2 days for week for a period of 30 or more minutes, has easily been established and surpassed in these prior weeks. The “flood gates” have been opened and daily meditation is no longer a “chore”, but has begun to happen naturally once again.

Spiritually I am in need of structure once again. Not being sure if it is feasible to obtain the level of commitment I once possessed without rebuilding a solid foundation is a question I often ponder. Not having a strong desire to be a part of a group religious organization at this time, I am working to improve my understanding of my faith system and to educate myself though research of historical significance and settings for the laws or guidance that currently dominates the church system.

                IV.                      Practices for personal health:
What strategies can you implement to foster growth in each of the following domains; Physical, Psychological, and Spiritual. Provide at least two examples of exercises or practices in each domain. Explain how you will implement each example.

Several strategies can be put in effect in each area of wellness in order to foster growth and change. Physically, as stated, I will complete more breathing exercises, working to recognize stress and fatigue when it is evident and to take the time to breathe through the stress and not be reactive, this is a duality principle with psychological well-being as well. In addition I will honor the commitment to myself to follow my preset workout routine incorporating cardio and weight bearing activities to help increase my current state of health. Eating clean and preparing meals, not leaving myself in a situation where I am hungry and left to run out and grab fast food is yet another spoke in the wheel of healthy physical being for myself.

Some strategies to implement in order to advance my psychological wellness are breathing techniques as well as meditation exercises such as the Subtle mind practice. Stopping my mind from going five hundred miles an hour and working to achieve some clarity, allowing thoughts to come and go as they please without harsh effects will work to quiet and center my mind therefore reducing greatly my stress levels. This can be accomplished by scheduled times in which to meditate and by placing reminders in my home and work environment to spark memory of what I am working towards.

Spiritually I would like to go back to my studies of religions and their sacred practices. Including yoga in my daily routine, whether it be a full practice or a simple Sun Salutation run through, will help my former spiritual believer self and my critical eye to coalesce and form a strong union which will work with me to develop and succeed in my spiritual based reevaluation endeavors. I will have to work daily to read and assess more of that which I desire to learn and find a new studio practice and receive yoga instruction aside from my personal practice.

                V.Commitment:
How will you assess your progress or lack of progress in the next six months? What strategies can you use to assist in maintaining your long-term practices for health and wellness?

Physical indicators of weight, blood pressure, insulin resistance and strength will be what I will gauge my progress and asses my development through over the next several months. Psychologically,  I will look to the meditation exercises, their perceived ease of practice or daily completion, and my perceived stress and mental clarity levels. Indicators here will be blood pressure, headache frequency, CSF tension, random thought or negative thought occurrence, and memory/ event recall.  Spiritually I will look to my renewed faith in my fellow humans and my former strong belief in the inherent good of all people, to return to me.

Keeping my practices varied will be at the foundation of commitment too and compliance with my set programs and goals. By actively engaging in and contributing to this field I will continue to “need to” stay on top of my practices and commitments which will also help my motivation to continue. 

Unit 8- Top 2 Transformative Practices

The Loving- Kindness exercise has by far been my favorite and has proved to be the most beneficial to me over these past few weeks. Mental fitness is a transformative process of a higher consciousness (Dacher, 2006). The practice of Loving-Kindness, for me, has been the most influential and potentially transformative. My ability to extend love, kindness, and understanding to all those around me, to be without judgment and a whole lot less quickly to react is my greatest ally and tool in becoming the person I feel I need and want to be. I will be able to transcend past my current nature and grow to be a better practitioner and patient. These practices must be implemented on an almost daily basis in order to make any true and lasting progress. I should see a change in my perspective of and my reaction to my clients in a positive way.

The other practice is simply general meditation. Meditating as described by Dacher, as a way to get a “taste” of what we can experience in the essence of Human Flourishing can help transform our mental fitness and well-being. When we can and do envision the pinnacle of Health, Wholeness, and Happiness for ourselves it helps to keep us on task and focused on our development. As I face health challenges, I feel confident that these meditation processes can help me to garner the strength to push on and continually transform my life. It will help for me to procure a sense of wholeness in times where I feel lacking due to financial circumstances and where the situation may lend itself to me comparing my life with that of those around me. Also, I should be able to better harness a calm when in dealings with my current client with whom I will be working with full time five days a week until mid may of next year.

At times I look to these practices simply as grounding exercises. As a way or gentle reminder of the work that I have done and need to continue to do in order to keep level and productive. Maybe nothing specific yet focused. 

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Christine M Campanella Dixon 

Unit 7 Aesclepius we meet again...

1.

Such a perfect fit for my needs this week and the fit with one of the articles that I choose to use this week for our assignment. The article discussed the effect of spiritual practices on heart disease, when I read it and connected with it all I could think of was how important it is for me to incorporate these practices into my life.  Seeing my mother pass away from heart failure at the age of sixty, I vowed to change my daily practices, my food, exercise, attitude, in order to avoid this fate. I have done considerably work in this area but know my stress levels are my biggest foe. This exercise, although not something I EVER allow myself to do, led me to have my mother focus quite squarely in my mind’s eye. I could not shake it and focus on another person, and when I allowed myself to go with it felt a wonderful sense of control and ease or calm come over me. It is wholly appropriate for my mother to be my guide and my best side in connection with being in control of my own being, health, and destiny.  I do not think I have embraced the idea of being truly  “mindful” or understood how this meditation could put me at ease and make me feel capable before this particular days practice.  I must continue to practice this meditation and work to believe in my own body’s ability to heal and help itself.

2.

This saying, to me, simply means that we can not help in an area in which we are inexperienced. Book knowledge is not enough when it comes to advising others on matters of health and wellness. If we have not traveled the road, how can we understand the trials and tribulations that come along with attempting to transform and better our lives. How can we understand and counsel our patients, empathize and help if we do not have the memories and emotions associated with such a feat.

We must constantly assess and move to better ourselves in the triad of health. We have a duty or obligation to our clients to be the best developed we can be just as we expect from them. There are no limitations to this development so there is certainly no reason to stop attempting to progress and experience deeper consciousness and forward movement. I feel we must continue our meditation exercises, establish physical fitness programs, and connect with a higher being on a constant basis in order to be the be the role model we should as wellness professionals.

Love and Light to all,

Chris

Unit 6 Loving-Kindness revisited and Integral Assessment

Once again the Loving-Kindness exercise was a pleasure to participate in. It is nice to “let go” of the chaos for a bit a truly focus my energies on producing good and effecting change in my life and that of my loved ones.

Taking in others pain and letting it work through you and not simply “breathing it out” always catches me a bit off guard due to the fact that every other time I’ve completed a meditation similar you were taught to “breathe out” or let go of the concern with your out breath, I enjoy the practice of letting it work through me much better and find it works better to complete the transformation of turning the intentions to another individual.

The assessment exercise basically takes Dacher and Wilber’s quadrant association of the four areas of development and removes the four stated stages for each area and focuses on each as an attribute of Body, Mind, or Spiritual development. In doing so he introduces new key ideas, concepts or actions to be considered. The new attributes for considerations are: Psychospiritual- Conative, Cognitive, Emotional; Biological- Fitness, Nutrition, Self-regulation; Interpersonal- Personal, Family, Community; Worldly- Work, Social Activism, Generativity.

In each of these new areas we instructed to assess where we are in regard to our development in relation to the Body, Mind, or Spirit. We then map out a much more intricate graph of where we are, what milestones we have hit/accomplished, where we need to focus, and any severe unbalances. We are instructed to consider where we feel and see we need development/help and then compare that to where we feel we are ready to develop. We can graph out these four quadrants and each marker in order to get a visual to assist ourselves. It is stressed that these areas although once developed usually do not fall back greatly but that they are fluid, there is no exact end to our development and that dependent on our place in life these measures can change.

I know where I want to develop is in the Worldly quadrant (Social Activism), I would love to be more involved in effecting the changes I want to see in areas such as “green” building/city planning, political concerns and even with more local endeavors such as my kids’ school. I want to be more involved. I yearn for it. Yet, I know this is not the appropriate area for me to put my time and energy into at this point in my life. This goes hand in hand with the Interpersonal aspect as well-Community.

Where I need to develop is in the Biological quadrant. Formerly I was extremely competent in this area but has fell quite far from where I know I need to be. I have lost my hold on a few areas of focus here such as source of foods, food choices overall and exercise- well rounded exercise. If I do not get my body in tune with my needs then my health seems to fail in other areas as well.  I get a pent up hostility with myself and become “bogged down” which leaves me feeling like I do not have time to get involved and work on other areas of my life. Right now I feel like I am betraying my true self by negating these desires.

I simply need to become more active again in my food choices and make the time to cook and prepare for the craziness so I do not end up starving, cranky, low blood glucose hazy and just go grab something fast food like. This will be a very big and important change for me that will also greatly help my mental state of being. 

Blessings,

Christine M. Campanella Dixon

Mental Fitness Power Point

C m campanella dixon hw420 02 unit 5 project from Christine Dixon

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Subtle Mind or Raucous Mind?

Was not a huge fan of this exercise, funny because when I read through it in the book I thoroughly enjoyed it and was able to easily follow it and focus my intentions. I enjoyed the chapter and the transition from the Loving-Kindness exercise. I have tried the Subtle Mind exercise in place of the Loving-Kindness twice this week, once listening to it and once reading it; reading through it was a bit more effective and I was able to “like” it a bit more then when I listened to it; I felt like I better understood the purpose and procedure. I kept getting a bit distracted and although I was supposed to be honoring thoughts that come to the forefront of my mind and then letting them go, while not holding an extreme focus on my breathing, I kept getting distracted by the music and the long long pauses. So instead of finding the quietness that I was seeking I found myself get agitated with the music and then upset with myself for not being able to focus…a bit counterproductive I’d say :) Even now I am having a very difficult time finding my voice here and focusing on the task at hand. 

I enjoyed pondering this second question, oddly enough my other class this term is EF310- Current Trends in Exercise and Fitness- Aging Well Across the Lifespan, so I have frequently found connections between the two classes. When we have a well-developed physical and mental wellness we can then focus on our spiritual, I say it in this manner because we tend to focus on the physical and mental before the spiritual, not that that is what should be done, I just think that is human nature in our culture, this not being the case in other areas of the world.  The three areas of wellness are intricately connected and cannot exist if all aren’t developed or being developed. I think we all foster one are more than the other two, but all need to be consciously worked on.  For me, I need my spiritual well being to be in check in order for well-being to be able to manifest in the other two areas. By having a solid system of belief in which to rely on, I can help calm my mind and not feel so frazzled or bogged down by worldly concerns.  Especially in recent weeks, I have relied heavily on my spiritual nature to help me work through some concerns and allow me to be able to take care of myself. 

Until next week,

Chris

Inward Gaze and Loving-Kindness

This exercise came at a great time for me, a perfect time really.

I will say, as I am sure I have said before, the idea of Loving-Kindness is one I hold very dear and one that I have worked on cultivating for quite some time now, even though I did not know, or call it such. It has been an extremely important concept and practice for me mainly due to the fact that I have had to learn to “love” a family member for who she is despite her harsh, hurtful, and shameful actions. I will admit I am bitter, this individual is the kind of person that seems to wiggle out of any situation completely unscathed, while I have worked hard to build my life and do the “right” thing and suffer for it many times. Despite how her actions, not once in her years has she been held accountable for her actions, some pretty extreme. But now, I have realized how important she is, our relationship is and want to attempt to build some bridges and restore a connection, she is a link to the past and should be a friend for the future.

This past week I lashed out, very harshly, in regard to this person and her behavior, my expectations of her and what I thought she needed to do. As soon as those words flew out my mouth I felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks. Although it was very therapeutic, it was something that needed to be said, something I have held back for many many years, as soon as I said it I realized how those words betrayed by actions, my positive intentions and ultimately my striving for Loving-Kindness. I realized that these thoughts or intentions only hurt both the individual, a third party, and myself. It served no real purpose. The individual to whom I said what I said already knew, in his heart, what I said to him, hearing it was in no way, shape, or form beneficial.

It was good to have a structure and guidance in this practice. It helped to truly focus me and allow me to open up to this positive flood of emotion that came with centering my thoughts on the inherent good of people and their potential. I think it is an extremely beneficial practice, one we can all benefit from. In our society we look to blame, we look for faults, that gets us nowhere.

Mental workout is intentional, with a knowledge and understanding of the practices and methodologies to be used, contemplative practice which expands our consciousness and healing potential.

Research focused on the physiological, such as that done by Elmer and Alyce Green at the Menniger Clinic in the 1970’s, shows that we can, with training and focus achieve levels of consciousness that allow us to alter, sustain, and govern our physiologic systems (Dacher, 2006).  Mental training in regard to our psychological and spiritual development demonstrates that we can transform the mind and “reduce disturbing emotions that cause anger, hatred, fear, worry, confusion, and doubt while enhancing positive emotions such as patience, loving-kindness, openness, acceptance, and happiness” (Dacher, 2006, p. 63).

For me overall, I think my implementing mental workouts, increasing my level of awareness and calm or quiet, I can aid myself in expanding my acceptance and understanding of others and help to decrease my stress and pain that comes along with trying to modify or control the craziness that seems to have rooted itself in my life as of late. Maybe by adopting practices to increase my inward gaze I can actually alleviate or reduce my encounters with my common stressors.

Love & Light,

Chris 

Wellness, as a person centered orientation.

I will say, I think there is a lot of truth and strength to “being your own doctor” in a number of ways. It encourages not only becoming more attuned to your bodies unique and individual needs, but also encourages us to expand our knowledge and understanding of those things that may be foreign to us, as well as boost our esteem. It is unfortunate that instead of fostering this tendency to listen to our inner voice, we seemed to be taught the exact opposite.

If I had to rate myself, I would say, as I said in an earlier blog post, where I am now is a far cry from the person I was or honestly, who and how I considered myself to be. Taking a personal inventory I am ashamed at how open I have left myself to this type of change and how I abandoned all I knew and trusted, in order to succeed at what needed to be done.

 In some areas such as physical I have made enormous improvements over the past year or so and would put myself at or around an 8.5. I have removed all processed foods from my home, all chemicals, perfumes, dyes, etc. We make all body care/beauty items, household cleaners, air fresheners and candles from scratch, we grow a lot of our own vegetables and only eat grassfed/free range meats. I am back to a balanced aerobic/flexibility/weight training routine and so our diet and lifestyle in this manner is pretty close to perfect in how I wanted it to change.

Psychological, I’d say about 6, maybe a 7. I have been making consistent strides to calming my mind and returning to a much more positive and friendly place in myself. Stress is a big issue, trying to work so that in areas I can control I do manage it and eliminate the stress, allowing for ease of care and tolerance of areas in which stress is quasi inevitable. Changed jobs, back in school, reduced excess duties outside the home, all in all better.

Spiritually, this is where I currently struggle the most. This has always been my strongest area of development. I exuded a sense of confidence in spirit that was unparalleled. I felt a force swirling within and around me at all times and had what I thought was a rock solid faith and spiritual belief structure that I honestly cannot pin point where or when I “threw it all out the window”. Yes, I still do believe in something akin to faith but I challenge it more now than I did as a defiant youth. I think the state of the world, the duality of what I want for myself and my family, and for what seems to be required just to succeed is the major force behind my spiritual unrest. It is a great challenge for me to rectify these two areas.

                As for goals and activities, I would say I need to work more of strength training for myself, I want to be able to do set of 10 pull ups. I want to be able to not struggle as much rick climbing and feel more confident when I have my three year old with me when we are out traipsing around the rocks! I have found a great program by Mark Sisson to work my upper body strength and am now following that. For psychologically and spiritually, I know what I need to do, it is simply a matter of getting myself to do it. I know I NEED to meditate, I need this time to reflect and bring myself inwards. It is an abandoned practice for me and even doing these guided exercises for class makes me angry. I am very resistant to them and cannot say I am ready to completely get in touch with some of these baser emotions and wade amongst the monsters of my unconscious and wrangle them. My goal is for 15 mins of “good” meditation time/reflection 3 days per week, and journaling at least 2 days for week for a period of 30 or more mins. I know this can serve as the gateway to better practices for myself. 

Chris

Welcome!

This blog serves as a vehicle for "critical" thinking, self expression and positive light to all those involved. I wish all who visit here to "come on in, sit on down and feel free to join in and share"

Some of you may be wondering what Sanotherapy is. It is, for me, a focus on a  model of medicine I wish to see more of, learn more about and be able to willfully practice. Sano means "wellness" in Italian, so for me Sanotherapy simply is "Wellness Therapy"

Blessings and Light,

Chris

Journey On Relaxation exercise

For many year, about eleven, I was an avid fan of relaxation exercises and was a yoga/expressive dance fanatic. I practiced regularly, read every book I could get my hands on in relation to relaxation and visualization techniques and traveled as far as feasible to hear lecture on the subject and participate in group guided exercises. I felt I was not whole if I didn't practice regularly, I felt lost, incomplete. Yoga was an integral part of my identity, I lived, breathed, and acted in the ways of the sages and felt I imparted good upon all those I came in contact with in doing so. This all stopped about ten years ago. I had a radical change in my life and somehow, for unknown reason now when I look back on it, gave it all up. 

One day I simply stopped practicing, I Stopped Believing. In essence, I abandoned myself.

 A large part of who I was and why I acted as I did was discarded, never to be revisited until I had to sit through the fourteen or so mins of this guided exercise. I can be very unforgiving of myself, I tend to make radical and mostly harsh decisions and do not waver on them, this exercise challenged me to let go a bit, give in, and return to a former version of myself. 

It. Was. Brutal. I had a very rough time sitting through this. I found myself challenging the validity of the practices, assessing physiological reasons behind the "heaviness" and looking to quantify why and how these procedures effected people, namely me. It made me angry. I let it play through once. I went back again, cup of coffee in hand to try to bring myself to a calmer plane of existence and challenged myself to not let this exercise destroy my fortress of strength that has been built up to deal with daily trials and tribulation in my life over the past 9 years. It was truly a "smack in the face" for me, a revelation that although what I do works to keep things in check, it is a very...very..VERY far cry from healthy coping mechanisms. I can be and deserve to be a much more enlightened and positive light in this world, I pride myself on that, now is the time to get back and be that person. Strong, resilient and enlightened. 

Blessings,

Chris