This exercise came at a great time for me, a perfect time
really.
I will say, as I am sure I have said before, the idea of
Loving-Kindness is one I hold very dear and one that I have worked on
cultivating for quite some time now, even though I did not know, or call it
such. It has been an extremely important concept and practice for me mainly due
to the fact that I have had to learn to “love” a family member for who she is
despite her harsh, hurtful, and shameful actions. I will admit I am bitter,
this individual is the kind of person that seems to wiggle out of any situation
completely unscathed, while I have worked hard to build my life and do the “right”
thing and suffer for it many times. Despite how her actions, not once in her
years has she been held accountable for her actions, some pretty extreme. But
now, I have realized how important she is, our relationship is and want to
attempt to build some bridges and restore a connection, she is a link to the
past and should be a friend for the future.
This past week I lashed out, very harshly, in regard to this
person and her behavior, my expectations of her and what I thought she needed
to do. As soon as those words flew out my mouth I felt like I was hit by a ton
of bricks. Although it was very therapeutic, it was something that needed to be
said, something I have held back for many many years, as soon as I said it I realized
how those words betrayed by actions, my positive intentions and ultimately my striving
for Loving-Kindness. I realized that these thoughts or intentions only hurt
both the individual, a third party, and myself. It served no real purpose. The individual
to whom I said what I said already knew, in his heart, what I said to him, hearing
it was in no way, shape, or form beneficial.
It was good to have a structure and guidance in this
practice. It helped to truly focus me and allow me to open up to this positive
flood of emotion that came with centering my thoughts on the inherent good of
people and their potential. I think it is an extremely beneficial practice, one
we can all benefit from. In our society we look to blame, we look for faults,
that gets us nowhere.
Mental workout is intentional, with a knowledge and understanding
of the practices and methodologies to be used, contemplative practice which
expands our consciousness and healing potential.
Research focused on the physiological, such as that done by
Elmer and Alyce Green at the Menniger Clinic in the 1970’s, shows that we can,
with training and focus achieve levels of consciousness that allow us to alter,
sustain, and govern our physiologic systems (Dacher, 2006). Mental training in regard to our psychological
and spiritual development demonstrates that we can transform the mind and “reduce
disturbing emotions that cause anger, hatred, fear, worry, confusion, and doubt
while enhancing positive emotions such as patience, loving-kindness, openness,
acceptance, and happiness” (Dacher, 2006, p. 63).
For me overall, I think my implementing mental workouts,
increasing my level of awareness and calm or quiet, I can aid myself in
expanding my acceptance and understanding of others and help to decrease my
stress and pain that comes along with trying to modify or control the craziness
that seems to have rooted itself in my life as of late. Maybe by adopting
practices to increase my inward gaze I can actually alleviate or reduce my
encounters with my common stressors.
Love & Light,
Chris
